Legato and the Computer
by foocha-kyo
Summary: Legato gets a computer! This is very crazy and has LOTS of OOCness! Mangaverse My first story
1. Meet the Computer

Legato and the Computer

Chapter 1

Okay everyone, this is my first fic so don't kill meee!

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"Yess!" The cry echoed throughout the Gung-Ho Guns complex. Everyone, save Elendira, stopped what he or she was doing and stared; the aforementioned continued painting her-excuse me- his nails.

"What the hell?" Milions Knives, leader of the group of assassins, put down his coffee and stood up, only to be (literally) knocked down with a barrage of emotion from a certain telepath.(1) Two words formed in his mind.

'Stupid Legato…'

Knives walked to Legato's room and tapped lightly on the door. At once, the thoughts ceased. A few seconds later, his blue-haired minion opened the door.

"Yes, Knives-sama?"

"Legato, what was that _infernal_ racket?"

"Which one?"

Knives mentally sighed (of course, he was too high-and-mighty to let his exasperation be known)

"The one a few minutes ago."

"That would be Dominique dropping the frying pan on her foot."

Actually, he had missed that one. "NO. You."

"All I said was 'Yes.'"

"No, I meant what you thought."

"Oh." Legato blinked. Twice. (so you know he's _really_ confused) "You just answered it."

"Answered what?"

"Your question…"

"… of!" Knives was starting to get more than a little pissed off.

"What 'that infernal racket' was."

"WELL WHAT THE F WAS IT!" Knives screamed.

"…me…"Legato squeaked.

"YOU---DOING---WHAT!"the plant practically shrieked.

"isetupthecomputer." the psychic mumbled, fearing for his life.

"What?"

"I…set…up…the…computer………and it took me three…hours………" Legato said in a small voice.

"Awesome!" Knives shouted as he skipped over to said electronic, smiling. Legato sweatdropped.

The computer was white, with a logo that resembled a half-eaten pear; at least, that was what Rem had told them it was called (3). However, as Knives observed it, Legato slapped a skull sticker over the pear.

"Now it's perfect!" the blue-haired psycho, I'm sorry, psychic, grinned.

"So…" Knives sat down and pushed some random buttons.

Computer: beep beep(no, this isn't swearing…)de-installation successful.

Legato twitched noticeably.

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Okay, that's the end of the first chapter! Poor Legato-sama, I put him through so much trouble! But, that will be nothing compared with what's next!

Legato: Eek…

Me:Legatooooooo! glomps

(both fall off the screen)

(1) Legato can communicate directly into people's minds

(2) This is a pun on the 'Apple' logo.

(3) Since Gunsmoke is a desert planet, I'm assuming they have no fruit. Forget the plants. (blasted off screen by Knives)waaaauggghhh!

Until Next Time!

Ja Ne!


	2. Legato discovers fanfiction

First of all, a big thank you to both my reviewers! That's right, all two of them!

Legato and the Computer

Chapter 2: Legato Discovers Fanficiton

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So, finally, Legato had managed to (re)install the computer, and was now surfing the internet. "Hmm... I need to give it a name..." he thought.

"Nyao."

"Noo..."Legato muttered to Kuroneko. " You don't name a computer 'Nyao...' hmm... what should I name it? Errm... OOH! I GOT IT!" he shouted suddenly, "I'll name it Hot Dog!"

"Nyao..."

Click. Click. Click. "Ugh. This is so boring."

For fun, Legato decided to google his name. One of the links led to a certain website... (A/N:sounds...familiar?)

Legato typed his first name into the site's search engine, and clicked on the first link that came up.

"(insert funny title here)! This is HILARIOUS!(insert funny description here)!"

Grinning as he finished the story, he clicked 'back' on the browser and began to read the next one, not noticing the rating. (1)

"OMIGAWD!" thud.

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Once more, Knives made the journey from his room to Legato's. This time, he found his golden-eyed assistant half-concious, sprawled out on the floor. (gotta love those compound-complex sentences! (2)) Knives walked up to him and... poked him. (yup.)

"Legato?" poke. "Lega-aato...?" poke. "Legato, I have hot-dogs!" No response. "Man, he's _really_ out of it..." the plant frowned.

Knives sat down on legato to think, unaware that he was squishing the breath out of the human(3). After a few seconds, he heard a funny squeak, a bit like air being let out of a balloon.

"Wha'? Who's there?" he shouted, jumping up. Not seeing and/or hearing anything, he sat down again. Well, it was more like plopping down, as one would do with a sofa.

On Legato.

Now, although said maniac was still out of it, his subconscious was busy being very thankful for the restored flow of oxygen. Then, whap! Knives crushed him again.

Legato, who was now wide awake and thoroughly winded, managed to gasp, "Can't...breathe...get...off...me...!"

5 minutes and several lengthly apologies later (which Legato insisted were completely unneeded) , the two finally touched upon the subject of why Legato had fainted.

"So Legato, why did you faint?" Knives asked.

Hand trembling, Legato pointed to the computer, which was now playing it's screensaver. "Read. The. Window." he whispered.

Knives began reading, but after a while, he turned to Legato with a grin that could only be described as 'creepy.' (00 poor Legato)

"Legato, what do you think of this stuff?"

"Stuff?"

"Yaoi stuff."

The other pantomimed gagging, retching, and passing out.

"Oh..." Knives said, sounding a bit disappointed. "Are you sure?"

Legato immediately sprang up from his 'fainting' position, looking shocked. "What!"

"Are you sure? Knives repeated, " 'cause if you change your mind..."

Legato screamed like a little girl and ran out the door. Well, at least he almost did. Not knowing it was closed, he ran smack into it. (Ouch.) Unfortunately for Legato-and the door- in his animalistic fear, he hadn't quite realized it was not in the 'open' position and continued ramming into it, causing a fair number of Legato-shaped dents.

All of a sudden, a horrible, fangirlish---wait, that means exactly the same thing... anyways, a fangirlish idea hit Knives.

"Ouch." (4)

Biting back a laugh, he called to his servant in a mock-dreamy voice, "Oh, Legatooo, you have such pretty eyes; they're like two saffrons..."

Legato shrieked and began slamming himself into the door with renewed force. Knives giggled.

Now, something's gotta give here. Clarification: Legato... or the door. Anyone who ad been observing the former would have noticed that his strength was rapidly decreasing. After a few minutes, Knives' right-hand man made one more attempt to knock down the door (it was more like walking into it) and collapsed to the floor, utterly exhausted.

The door chose that moment to fall down. With a loud _whump_, it toppled out into the hallway. Knives shrugged, and, carefully picking his way around Legato, returned to his room.

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Well, chapter two's done! I hope you like it!

Notes:

(1) We'd be assuming it's rated R.

(2) My English teacher was making a REALLY big deal about these last year, so I decided to bug all of _you _with them.

(3) Because Knives is a plant.

(4) "The mad literalist strikes again!" ---Jason, _Foxtrot _(5)

(5) How can you not understand that?


	3. It's frozen!

Legato and the Computer

Chapter Three

"It's... frozen...!

Warning: Teeny-tiny yaoi reference that goes away after this chapter

(A/N):OMIGAWD! I completely forgot to mention I DON'T OWN TRIGUN! CRAP! DON'T SUE ME!

(A/N 2)Okay, you might have noticed that this is sort of like a bunch of oneshots, like everything starts fresh at the beginning of each chapter. That's just how I'm gonna write this.

and, (A/N 3) I'm so mad at this! It was like two pages when I wrote it out on paper and now it's gonna be one! TTTT

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"Lalalalalalaaa...lalalalalalaa-a..."Legato hummed as he turned on the computer. "Lalaala, lalalalalallaaaaa... Okay, it's on now. Let's see... umm... Ooh! iTunes!" He clicked the icon and watched the window come up... but it was blank!

"Wha'?"

Then, a small, rainbow-colored circle popped up on the screen, and began to spin. The computer began to whir. Legato poked the screen, happily squealing, "Ooh, the spinning beach-ball of doom!"(1) Smiling, he watched the monitor for several minutes. Then, something terrible happened-

"Nooo! It stopped moving!" Legato sprang up from his chair and ran to his master's room, wailing. He burst into the room, sobbing, "It's broken!"

"What is?" Knives asked, confused.

"The computer! I killed it and now it's dead! It's DEAD!" Legato moaned, his topaz-colored eyes overflowing with tears.

"Wait... I thought you LIKED killing stuff...?"

"BUT THIS IS DIIIIIFFERENT! I broke it... broke it... it'sbrokenbrokenboken..."The poor human blubbered hysterically.

"Well, I'm sorry, but what can I do?"

"You can fix it!" Legato cried jubilantly. "Being such an all-powerful life-form as yourself, I'm certain you can..." Legato trailed off, seeing the perplexed look on his master's face. "You _can_ fix it, can't you?"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I can't, I mean, don't, I mean the truth is I don't know how to fix a computer!"

Legato looked crestfallen, as well as slightly incredulous. "You... you can't fix it?"

"Legato," Knives began, "I'm sorry---"

He was cut off by Legato's bursting into tears once more. "Noooooo! How can this be! I have failed completely and miserably! I am no longer worthy of life!" Now Knives was giving him the "I-think-you're-disturbing-and-I-wish-you-would-go-away" look, but Legato was paying no attention. Still crying, he mumbled half to himself, "Excuse me, I must go jump off a cliff and crack my head open on the rocks below, creating much splattering and blood and quite a mess..." He began bumping into the closed door on the way out, so, not wanting a repeat of chapter two, an unnamed force called the authoress opened the door and let him out. After a few minutes, Knives sighed and went to check on Legato.

_But it's only because I don't want to lose him... as a MINION! ONLY AS A MINION! _Knives tried to convince himself on the walk over. It wasn't working. _What's that smell? It' sort of iron-y..._

Suddenly looking downKnives realized there was a trail of something on the ground, a trail of splatters. It was red, it was liquid, it was...

"OH my GOSH! Legato!" Knives ran the rest of the way to the telepath's room.

"Legato---" As Knives flung open the door, he was greeted by a terrible sight: Legato sat on the floor, facing away from him surrounded by a puddle of blood. The plant stood there in shock.

"L-Legato...?" _Oh my god,_ Knives thought, _What have I done? I didn't know he was that serious! Oh my god..._

Slowly, Knives approached Legato and---

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Woohoo! Cliffhanger! Please R&R, I'm desperate for reviews!

(1) I have a Mac troubleshooting book and that's what they actually called it. ¬¬


	4. It's frozen! ptII

Legato and the Computer Chapter 4: It's... broken! (pt II)

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun goes into a corner and cries quietly

Wow. This got SO OOC that the only thing the same is the names...

Okay, sorry this update took so long! Between MASSIVE writers block and the computer crashing on Monday, I haven't got much done TT-TT Well, enjoy this chapter!!!

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So, as you remember, Knives had entered the room to find Legato facing away from him, in a puddle of blood. Slowly, Knives approached Legato, and---

"Hi..." Legato turned around!

"OHMYGAAAAAWD!!!" Knives screamed, turned around, and ran smack into the wall. He picked himself up, turned around, and there was Legato again. "HOLYS!!!" Knives smacked into the wall again. (I sense a repeat of chapter two... nevermind.) He turned around and... wha'? Legato was eating a hot dog...?

"AAGH! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU EVIL GHOST!!!"

Legato's lower lip quivered. Then he bust into tears. "I'M NOT DEAD!" He wailed.

"Wait-wha'?" Knives took a second look at the telepath, who was still bawling. This time, he noticed...

"Wait a minute, that's blood!"

Legato sniffed and shook his head. "No..."

"That's...that's...!"

"Ketchup," Legato completed for him. "Hot dogs are my comfort food."

"My god! I thought you killed yourself and that was blood!"

"Do you want me to?"

"NO!!!"

" 'Kay..WAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Uh... Legato? Why are you crying again?"

"BECAUSE I BROKE THE COMPUTER!!! WAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" Legato walked over to a corner, dumped some ketchup on his head, and started hitting his head on the wall, creating a nice series of 'splats.'

Knives frowned. 'Shoot...' he thought, 'if he gets a concussion, I'll have to waste a LOT of time trying to find a new henchman. Maybe I _can_ do something...'

But as he walked over to the computer, Knives realized he was just getting soft. A decade ago, he wouldn't have cared if a human was upset or not. Knives glanced at the monitor and immediately saw what the problem was:

"Oh, it's just frozen!"

Legato was too busy bawling to notice. Knives reached behind the computer and held the power button down until the machine turned off. He waited a few seconds and then pressed the button again. When the computer finished starting up, he reopened iTunes. Satisfied, Knives walked over to Legato, who was still hitting his head on the wall, and tapped him on the shoulder. "Legato, it's fixed!"

Whump. Whump. Whum---"Wha'?"

"It's fixed!" He repeated

Legato dashed over to the computer and inspected it for about 0.001 seconds. Then he ran back to Knives with very shojo-like stars in his eyes. (00)

"You fixed it!!!" he shouted gleefully.

"Uhm...yeah..."

"I LOVE YOU!!!" Legato shrieked, glomping onto Knives' leg.

"Uhh... that's just wonderul... can you let me go now?" Not receiving a response, he peeled a squealing Legato off his leg and left the room.

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Yay Chapter four's done! I don't know if I spelled shojo right...

The next chapter will have Vash!!!


End file.
